Libby May had jitters before telling her boss that she was expecting a child.
“I was honestly very nervous because I’ve heard the horror stories,” says May, vice president of communications at Southern New Hampshire University in Manchester.
But not long into her second trimester, she stopped her boss after a meeting and said, “So, I have some news that I want to share with you.”
“He just said, ‘You’re pregnant.’ And his face lit up with a huge smile,” says May, who is due this summer. It was the reaction she was hoping for.
For expectant mothers, breaking the news to the boss can be nerve-wracking. “I don’t know what it is about maternity leave that makes people so uncomfortable,” says Cheree Aspelin, who blogs as the Maternity Leave Coach. “I think of it like a planned surgery or an extended vacation.”
Ideally, it’s a joyful conversation, with excitement expressed on both sides. But some mothers-to-be worry about backlash, ranging from being passed up for a promotion to losing their job — both of which are illegal, by the way.
Here’s what to know about breaking the pregnancy news to the boss.
Decide when to share. Many pregnant women keep their status under wraps until their second trimester when complications are less likely. But there’s no bell that dings when 12 weeks are up and requires a mother to share the news to family, friends, Facebook followers, strangers on the bus — or their boss.
In fact, employees have no legal requirement to tell their boss that they’re pregnant at all — although their changing bodies might eventually betray the news, says Sarah Fleisch Fink, senior policy counsel for workplace programs at the National Partnership for Women & Families, a nonprofit, nonpartisan activist group.
So, wait until you’re ready to share. But remember that letting a supervisor know about the pregnancy early on gives everyone more time to plan for the maternity leave. Some women may also need to have that conversation to request accommodations, such as extra bathroom breaks or a place to sit.
Stay positive. If you’re excited about this pregnancy — and hopefully you are! — make it known. When telling your boss, strike a positive note, says Jude Miller Burke, author of “The Millionaire Mystique: How Working Women Become Wealthy — And How You Can, Too!”
Try saying, “Good morning, I have really great news for you. I’m going to have a child, and we’re so excited to add to our family,” Burke says.
Appeal to your boss’s human side — after all, she might be a parent, too — and express confidence and enthusiasm about the new addition to your life.
Be consistent. You may be cozy with your co-workers. But telling your boss that you’re excited to have a baby and confident that you’ll be able to balance your responsibilities — and then confiding to your office mates that you have no idea how you’ll cope — could backfire.
“What you say to your peers is so important,” Burke says. “Know that what you tell your peers will be repeated throughout the whole division or department.”
Know your rights. Some options for parental leave and other accommodations, such the freedom to work from home, vary by company. The employee handbook or human resources department can help you brush up on those.
But other rights are federal- or state-mandated. And mothers should be aware of them, Fleisch Fink says. “I think it’s important for somebody to go into that conversation knowing what their rights are — and what protections and benefits are available to them at that time,” she says.
For example, the Pregnancy Discrimination Act protects many employees from certain kinds of workplace backlash. “You can’t be demoted,” Fleisch Fink says. “You can’t be put in a lesser position or given less responsibilities.”
When it comes to taking time off, the federal Family and Medical Leave Act provides up to 12 weeks of parental leave for eligible U.S. employees at many companies. New parents have the option to take that time to care for a newborn or bond with a recently adopted or fostered child.
Some states provide additional benefits. California, New Jersey and Rhode Island offer paid family leave and paid medical leave, according to the National Partnership for Women & Families. Hawaii and New York also offer paid medical leave, which can be used for time off related to childbirth.
May, the university employee, is still working out the details of how she’ll take time off to care for her newborn. But at least the dreaded conversation is out of the way. “My nervousness and my concern were more in my head than reality,” she says. “Once the word was out, and it was a conversation we were having, it was really a wonderful experience.”
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How to Tell Your Boss That You’re Pregnant originally appeared on usnews.com