Moran Zur woke up on his wedding day and wondered how his dad would react. Would he have any special words of wisdom? Would he like the bride?
The Tel Aviv resident will never know the answers to these questions. His dad died of cancer when Zur was only 25 years old. “There were so many things that were never discussed,” Zur says, reflecting on the loss of his father at such a young age.
It was around that time the seed was planted for what would eventually become SafeBeyond, a website Zur launched enabling people to leave messages for loved ones that would be delivered after their death. However, it wouldn’t be until six years later, when Zur’s wife was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in 2012, that he focused on making his vision for the service a reality.
“My wife was the first user,” Zur says. While she has created messages for Zur, their son and other loved ones, the couple is hopeful they won’t be delivered any time soon. “We are very optimistic people, and she is doing very well.”
Be a Part of Special Moments, Even After Your Death
SafeBeyond isn’t the first service to let people leave messages posthumously, but it may be the most sophisticated. For years, people have made video and audio tapes to be played after their death, and websites such as Afternote and MyGoodbyeMessage have allowed people to record and send messages after their passing as well.
However, Zur wanted to create a way for people to be part of special events, even if those occur long after a person dies. SafeBeyond allows users to set triggers when messages are delivered. It could be a specific date, such as a birthday or anniversary, or an event such as a marriage or graduation.
For the latter, trustees designated by the user are responsible for releasing messages at the appropriate time. With the exception of messages addressed to minors, trustees are unable to view the contents of messages earmarked for other recipients.
[Read: How to Manage Your Digital Afterlife.]
‘Emotional Life Insurance’
Jeffrey Gardere, a psychologist and assistant professor at the Touro College of Osteopathic Medicine in New York City, has no affiliation with SafeBeyond but is a fan of the idea.
“Think of Superman in the Fortress of Solitude and his father Jor-El delivering timely and wisdom-filled advice through his hologram,” Gardere says. “Like [Superman], one can learn about their past … and the past of the person sending the message.”
Zur calls it “emotional life insurance,” and while traditional life insurance is limited to those who can afford it, SafeBeyond operates on the assumption that everyone deserves the opportunity to leave messages for their loved ones. It’s a free service for up to 1 GB of storage.
“[People] are entitled to this basic service,” Zur says. “I know what it means to want to receive a [message].”
While everyone can use the service, not everyone may find it simple to compose messages. “It’s harder than one might think to write or speak to someone in the future,” says Amiram Hayardeny, a SafeBeyond user. “When you put together a message, you have to realize that … circumstances [in the future] are very different than they are at the present time.”
Hayardeny, 53, of Seattle, says he’s at the age where you start thinking about the next phase for you and your family. He joined SafeBeyond after watching his father lose his ability to communicate as a result of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS. “It occurred to me that if I were to be inflicted with similar circumstances, I would want to leave messages for my wife and children so I can take part in life events,” he says.
[Read: Ways to Protect Your Online Accounts After Death.]
Recording Daily Events for Future Generations
Oshrat Kagan from Redmond, Washington, had a different reason for signing up for SafeBeyond. The 38-year-old isn’t worried about losing her life anytime soon, but she does worry about losing the magical moments that occur every day with her two kids, ages 6 and 4.
“We used to have memories in a shoe box, and this is our new shoe box,” Kagan says. She has written messages detailing everything from her daughter’s first day of school to a touching moment her son shared with her. For Kagan, SafeBeyond acts a personal diary that includes all the memories she wants to one day share with her children.
Zur says he envisions SafeBeyond as more than a place to simply leave goodbye messages. In addition to saving memories as Kagan is doing, he thinks the platform will appeal to business owners who want to leave advice for their successors. Beyond that, he says there are likely plenty of other uses he hasn’t considered yet.
[Read: Why You Need a Family Financial Record.]
Keeping Messages Positive
Receiving a message from a long-dead relative can be a wonderful thing, but it might not always be positive.
“Where this can be a problem is if damaging family secrets or angry or hateful messages [are sent],” Gardere says. “And of course the person receiving messages may want to discuss with the sender and may not be able to do it.”
Composing an angry message to air out grievances may feel therapeutic, but Gardere says it’s rarely helpful in the long run. “Just expressing rage without following up with any healing or constructive suggestions does not allow for any personal growth; for the person sending the message and certainly for the person receiving the message,” he says. Rather than venting anger through a message, people would be better served by trying to address the underlying problem while they are still alive.
To avoid such unpleasant messages, Gardere recommends any company offering this service to be explicit in instructing users to leave positive and healthy messages. Information on counseling services also should be available so those receiving messages know where to go if they need help processing them.
In Zur’s case, he is focused on the positive benefits of SafeBeyond. Since the messages may be the last communication family and friends receive from a person, it seems people would want to leave a good final impression.
“We’re giving you a chance to decide how to be remembered by the people you love,” Zur says. “You have a right to be remembered.”
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Technology Now Lets You Speak From Beyond the Grave originally appeared on usnews.com