In times past, the family was the anchor for interpersonal relationships. Many people have childhood memories of living across the street from their cousins, attending the same schools and spending endless summers playing together. As the job markets grew and words like “relocation” became everyday vocabulary, the nuclear family became the focus. But what are we missing from our extended families?

In several cultures, the extended family remains a strong concept. The main support and social network for many remains a web of grandparents, aunts and uncles, providing everything from financial assistance and employment to emotional support and child care. But many Americans have lost touch with this lifestyle because of distance and commitments to jobs. In this setting, many children are growing up without knowing their relatives and missing out on the benefits those relationships bring.

Children look for heroes and role models everywhere. The people they pick will shape their dreams and hopes for the future. While we know children are impressionable, they are also discerning and optimistic, often noting the best in people rather than taking a more cynical view. They are naturally curious and want the details on people: what kind of work they do, where they went to school, what kind of pets they have, what foods they like and, of course, the inevitable “why?”

Often, they are looking for validation of what they think or dream, wondering why they are different from their friends, and seeing uniqueness as a negative. So while we are all focused on making sure our children are developing in every aspect through an over-scheduled calendar, we may want to reconsider the extended family as teachers and potential role models.

After all, who knows our history and quirks better than those with whom we grew up? There will never be another group who knows us longer or in quite the same way. No one will ever look more like us than some relative. And our uniqueness may be on display in the behaviors of others that share the same gene pool. This can give our children so much: a shared sense of history and even a sense of humor through hearing and retelling family lore. A barometer of acceptable behavior. A common stream of values. A sense of confidence that while not everyone travels the same road, there are many ways to reach the destination life has in store for us. And through it all, there will be a group of people who know you best, love you unconditionally and have your back no matter what happens. Often, that can come from no source other than family.

Children from families that can accomplish these tasks often develop a healthier self-esteem that comes from support outside of the nuclear setup at home. They are more social and confident, and have a better self-image. The concept of who they are is often more clear and grounds them so strongly they may be less prone to peer pressure and other health concerns, including depression and eating disorders. The idea that an entire group of people are invested in their success can be very powerful.

So what can we do when family is not just down the street or across town? The answer may lie, to a degree, in social media. While it is often a concern for parents, when used appropriately, it may be a way to keep families together.

Young children can identify people by pictures very early on, and Facebook and Instagram can give them up-to-date opportunities to recognize family members both near and far. Skype and FaceTime allow children to recognize voices at a very young age and be less fearful during actual visits. These channels also allow older school-age children to share important moments, like hitting the game-winning shot, and get support from trusted family members even when they are too far away to be sitting in the stands.

For teenagers, these communication streams, along with Twitter and other apps, can allow them to keep up with cousins and other beloved family. While we parents often rightly worry about children and screen time, using social media with trusted but distant family members provides a safety net and a web of connections.

Another option is to participate in the time-honored and increasingly rare family reunion. While some still gather at a home or a park for a day, family reunions are less common than in the past, when they were an honored tradition. These days, some families are going to destination reunions at lake houses, beach condos or amusement parks. While more expensive, these places frequently offer benefits like activities that appeal across the age spectrum and common ground for interaction, especially among tweens and teens. Pictures and memories that can last a lifetime, right? So why do we frequently feel apprehension if not full-on dread about participating?

Perhaps the expectations are too high. Maybe the hope is that it will look like a Rockwell painting — an ideal most of our families will not achieve. Maybe we know that chances are good everyone will revert to their childhood behaviors and all the angst that came with them. But there are ways to make it through a reunion:

— Make sure everyone has some time to do their own thing.

— Include teen-friendly activities that go beyond retelling embarrassing stories.

— Make sure everyone has some retreat space where they can get a breather from the togetherness.

— Come prepared for rainy days. Bring cards, games, and a tremendous amount of patience.

— Be OK declining certain activities and being declined. Realize that everyone will need to make sacrifices to have a good experience.

— Be prepared to let go of small slights and irritation. Leave no room for grudges.

The only given about a family reunion is that people will likely live up to our pre-event expectations and their “family pathology” will indeed be visible.

Still, do it for the kids. The dysfunction that comes out will be entirely predictable but the laughter may surprise you. You may feel just like you did when you were the baby brother or big sister. Just like the summers of long ago. And that might feel just right.

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Keeping Healthy Connections: Resurrecting the Family Reunion originally appeared on usnews.com