When a child is diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, parents may have differing views about how to treat symptoms. For example, one parent may insist that ADHD medication be used, while the other parent prefers exploring a more holistic approach, which often involves an emphasis on treatments such as behavioral therapy or having the child exercise more. When parents’ thoughts about ways to treat a child with ADHD drastically differ, challenges can arise.

And then what?

First of all, know that it’s common for parents to have a departure in ideas regarding what ADHD treatment methods are ideal for children. Not everyone agrees on the same things all of the time — and it’s sometimes no different when parents try to determine the best course of action to help their child manage ADHD symptoms.

[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]

“What I see the most in these instances is one parent who wants the child on medication, while the other says, ‘absolutely not,'” says Barbara Greenberg, a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Connecticut who specializes in parenting and relationship issues and is the co-author of “Teenage as a Second Language: A Parent’s Guide to Becoming Bilingual.” She says that the parent who doesn’t want a child on medication often expresses concern that the child will become dependent on it, a feeling Greenberg says may be reduced by becoming more informed about how ADHD medications work. “Education, education and more education,” she says, reinforcing the need to remain in the know about ADHD or any issue concerning a child.

Greenberg says that ADHD medication tends to be a “hot button” for parents because of the stigma often associated with mental health issues. “Many times, by giving children medication, a parent then feels like it’s an admission that something’s wrong with their child,” she says. “There’s still a stigma associated with mental health — it’s alive and well.” Parents may feel a certain amount of guilt or shame about a child having a problem, she explains, which may play a role in the hesitancy surrounding medication use.

Why Parental Disagreements Can Be Problematic

At the same time, Susie Raskin, a licensed mental health counselor with the Teen Xpress program at the Howard Phillips Center for Children and Families — a part of the Arnold Palmer Hospital for Children in Orlando, Florida — says that varying opinions about treatment options don’t just pertain to parents who have a child with ADHD. “Disagreements can happen with any childhood diagnosis or illness,” she says. However, she adds that having ADHD can amplify tensions in the family when differing views about treatment do arise; “it can already be stressful when a family member has ADHD,” she says. Parents who voice conflicting preferences in the presence of kids may increase this stress. Greenberg agrees. “When a child hears parents arguing, he or she may feel as though something is terribly wrong,” she says. ” Children with ADHD need more consistency. Without that, symptoms are very likely to become more exacerbated, and kids could become more distressed.”

To avoid adding more stress to the environment, Raskin suggests parents have conversations about their differing treatment views away from their children. This also includes children who may not have ADHD, she explains, saying that most kids in general can pick up on — and be easily affected by — conflict. “Parents should find ways to minimize or fully remove the kid from these types of conversations so they don’t absorb tension,” she explains.

This doesn’t just pertain to household interactions either. Even in counseling environments, Greenberg says it’s important to exercise caution regarding what topics are discussed when children are around. Of course, having the child present for assessing a potential ADHD diagnosis is one thing, she says, but it’s not appropriate to have a child present when parents discuss their differing opinions about treatment methods with a professional. “I don’t think children should be there when parents express disagreement,” she says. “There’s nothing beneficial for children when they see parents argue.”

[See: 8 Things You Didn’t Know About Counseling.]

Don’t Keep Secrets, Work Together

At the same time, parents shouldn’t go to extremes to keep their differing viewpoints out of the picture. Greenberg says she’s observed parents who secretly put a child on medication, telling the child not to tell the other parent. “Having secrets creates anxiety and makes the child feel like they’re doing something wrong,” she says. “That’s not a good way to go.” Both parents need to be equally informed and involved, she explains. This includes interaction in the household as well as during visits with a professional. Greenberg says that in the case of speaking with a professional, both parents should be present because that way, everyone can compare notes and ask questions to ensure that everything was heard and understood accurately.

Raskin says a good starting point for parents to try to come to terms with differences is to focus on the positive, which includes examining areas where similar viewpoints exist. She explains that it’s often easy for parents to become so wrapped up in the issue that they overlook what they may already agree upon. “It’s important for parents to celebrate when they’re on the same page,” she says, noting that parents should even acknowledge the commonality of wanting what’s best for a child.

Acknowledge Differences, Explore Various Treatment Options

Next comes having an open and respectful conversation about the differences that exist, Raskin says, taking the time to recognize what these differing views entail, from parenting styles to medication disagreements. Then, once parents know the main differences, they still “need to remain a unified force,” she adds, suggesting that they reach out to the community — including pediatricians, teachers, counselors or mental health experts — to obtain feedback. This also includes friends and family, Raskin says. “If they know someone has experienced a similar situation and can find out what was done to improve it, it may be helpful,” she says.

After going through these steps without ending up on the same page, Raskin encourages parents to “start with the least restrictive course of treatment possible.” This allows the child to get started with symptom management instead of waiting while parents continue to sort through their opinions on the topic. Starting with behavior management and implementing strategies at home, such as dietary changes and increasing physical activity, are good places to start, she explains. “Try one approach and if that doesn’t work, start integrating treatments,” Greenberg adds. For example, she says parents may want their child to work with a holistic doctor, consider dietary changes and take medication.”

[See: 10 of the Biggest Health Threats Facing Your Kids This School Year.]

One thing parents should not sweep under the rug is speaking with another expert for a second opinion, Greenberg says. “If they leave a provider’s office and are unsure about what was discussed, they should go for another opinion,” she says. People don’t hesitate to do this when serious physical challenges arise such as cancer treatment or a surgery, she explains, saying that it shouldn’t be any different for parents looking into ADHD treatments for their child.

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How to Raise an ADHD Child When Parents Have Differing Views About Treatment originally appeared on usnews.com