Finding your place

First you’re excited: It’s cool to move onto campus, see a slew of fresh faces and start life as a college student. But once the glow wears off, discomfort can set in. You have no idea which brick building is which; you keep getting lost on the way to class and your dorm is populated by strangers. At this point, it’s only natural to miss the safe haven of home, and many students do. Chances are, you were well over it before October. But if homesickness lingers, here’s what experts from two large U.S. universities say about its common signs — and how to find comfort on campus.

1. Heading home every weekend

You miss your dog, your friends and maybe even your parents. But try to avoid going home right away. It’s fine to plan a trip back home for later, says psychologist Katharine Staley, a therapist with the Center for Counseling and Psychological Services at Pennsylvania State University–University Park. However, she adds, “If you’re going home every weekend right way, it’s harder to connect to activities happening on campus.” Many groups, like her university’s THON — a large student-run philanthropy — have meetings on weekends or evenings, she notes: “So if you’re not here for those, you’re missing a lot of the ways you get connected to Penn State.”

2. Feeling like you don’t fit in

While students may not necessarily say they’re homesick, they’ll talk about feeling anxious, Staley says. “A lot of people will say, ‘I don’t feel like I fit in yet; I haven’t found my niche,'” she says. Nighttime can be the worst. When you feel tired at the end of the day, familiar comforts are especially welcome. “A nice thing to do is decorate your room so it feels really comfortable,” she suggests. A quilt from home or a new bedroom set (finances permitting) can make your dorm feel cozy and inviting.

3. Isolating yourself

Spruce up your room, but don’t make it a hideaway, says Dave Isaacs, communications manager for the Office of Student Life at The Ohio State University. Residence hall rooms are intended to be “very functional but not by any stretch opulent,” Isaacs says. They’re a place where students can study and sleep, “but we want them to come outside of their rooms,” he notes. To that end, residence halls are constructed with many spaces of different configurations and sizes where students can hang out. “Even if they’re studying individually — even with headphones on — students today like to be in proximity with each other,” he says.

4. Eating alone

Enjoying a solitary meal is fine, but always dining alone could indicate homesickness, Staley says. “One sign could be a student who’s eating alone consistently versus making the effort to connect to people, even though you might not know them that well,” she says. Going down to the dining hall with a group is a great way to feel included. Resident advisers can help make that happen, Isaacs says, with a simple, “Hey everybody, let’s go to dinner together.” RAs also encourage students to join in on concerts and other appealing activities.

5. Experiencing FOMO

Nothing inspires fear of missing out — and feeling left out — like social media. Going online to multiple images of freshmen in the neighboring dorm having an amazing time can spark homesickness. “On Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, people put up their best selves,” Staley points out. “And you begin to feel like you’re the only one not connecting and not feeling great about being at college.” Remind yourself that social media snippets don’t show the whole picture, she advises. Consider looking online more to seek information on campus meetings and club invitations, and less to obsess about other people having fun.

6. Shedding tears

Frequent tearfulness is a sign of missing home. “Everyone feels a little homesick sometimes,” Staley says. “It’s really a hallmark quality of transition.” Students who come from boarding prep schools or summer-camp veterans might feel it less: Been there, done that. For other students, short-term homesickness can be really intense. “It’s OK to feel uncomfortable,” she says. “It doesn’t mean there’s anything going wrong.” Breathe, sit back and consider how to tolerate and cope with discomfort. Turn thoughts of “I’m not going to a club where I don’t know anybody,” to figuring out how to strike up a conversation once there. If loneliness overwhelms you, check out your campus counseling center.

7. Struggling to connect

Parents wonder and worry whether their freshmen kids are homesick. “If students aren’t sharing a lot about who they’re meeting or what they’re doing, and it seems like they are really struggling to connect with clubs, people, places, classes — those are the signs if they don’t actually tell you the words,” Staley says. As a parent, remind students of their strengths. “If you see your kid as somebody who has connected well with friends in high school and middle school, you want to say, ‘You’re really good at making friends,'” she suggests. “Maybe even as they’re listening and half-rolling their eyes: ‘Remember, this is how you joined a group.'”

Reach out and dive in.

Plugging into the campus experience early on reduces homesickness down the road. “Ohio State is a large university,” Isaacs says. “But one of the things we find that helps make the university smaller is by establishing your groups and connections.” That could mean joining one of the nearly 1,400 student organizations, he says, from the Buckeye Barbecue Club to the OSU Quidditch League. Not a joiner? You can still bond and share interests with roommates and others living on your floor. “You don’t have to go very far afield to make those first steps toward connections,” he says.

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7 Signs of Campus Homesickness originally appeared on usnews.com