All Dr. Jamila Perritt wanted was a latte. What she got was a lot more. “The barista said, ‘Don’t you mean decaf?'” recalls Perritt, an OB-GYN in the District of Columbia who was pregnant with her now-8-year-old son at the time. The experience is just one example of the type of “fishbowl” she says her patients and other women operate in when pregnant. “Society is pretty judgmental about the choices you make,” Perritt says.

Often, such judgment comes from a well-meaning, albeit unwelcome, place. After all, visible unhealthy behaviors come with well-publicized health consequences for pregnant women and their future children. For example, puffing cigarettes during pregnancy can increase the risk of premature birth, birth defects and even infant death, not to mention problems for the mother like cancer and heart disease, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Boozing while pregnant, meanwhile, can lead to any number of permanent physical, intellectual and behavioral disabilities in the baby-to-be. Even ubiquitous American habits like eating lots of junk food, rarely exercising and sleeping poorly aren’t exactly optimal for women to keep up during — and even before — pregnancy.

[See: How to Make Healthful Dietary Changes Last a Lifetime.]

“We know that the success of fertility and a successful pregnancy is dependent on taking good care of oneself during those childbearing years,” says Marci Lobel, a psychology professor and director of the social and health psychology program at Stony Brook University, where she studies how stress during pregnancy affects outcomes.

But breaking bad habits isn’t easy — no matter what color a pregnancy test displays. “Behavior change is hard; it’s a process,” Perritt says. “It’s not something that occurs overnight.” In some regards, pregnancy can make it even more difficult to make healthy changes — the stress and anxiety of such a major life change, for example, may drive women to self-medicate with a familiar fast-food order, glass of wine or cigarette puff. “For some women, early pregnancy can be stressful, and we know that stress can make it more difficult to quit [smoking],” says Clara Bradizza, senior research scientist at the University at Buffalo’s Research Institute on Addictions whose recent study found that pregnant women were better able to quit smoking if their therapy helped them manage negative emotions.

What’s more, certain behavior change aids like smoking cessation drugs aren’t advised for pregnant women, Bradizza says. “[This] narrows the options for smoking cessation treatment,” she says. “The biggest challenge,” Perritt adds, “is you’re still the same person — you just happen to be pregnant.”

But the good news is that for many women, pregnancy is a catalyst for making healthy changes that last — and for being in close contact with a health care professional who can help along the way. “This is a good time to inform people, to motivate people, to increase their commitment to take their health into their own hands,” Lobel says. Here’s how:

1. Find a provider who empowers you.

In a recent study of 139 pregnant women using a university midwifery practice, Lobel and colleagues found that the women who felt most empowered by their midwives took the best care of themselves. Women who felt best about their communication and collaboration with their midwives, too, felt less anxious, which also promoted their self-care.

[See: 10 Weird Mind and Body Changes That Are Totally Normal During Pregnancy.]

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists’ Committee on Health Care for Underserved Women also reports that motivational interviewing — or a technique that helps patients move through stages of change at their own pace and in their own way — is effective. “Advice isn’t always enough,” says Perritt, a member of the committee.

2. Be honest.

Your provider can’t empower you to make a change unless you’re honest with him or her about what exactly needs changing. Are you missing wine and sushi — or are you unable to stop popping opioids? Speak up. “Folks who have substance use disorders need more support than motivational interviewing alone can provide,” Perritt says. “Be honest about what the issues are and whether you need a lot of support or just a little support.”

Don’t feel comfortable telling your provider the truth? Seek someone else. “If you don’t have that connection,” Perritt says, “it’s going to be hard to be committed and feel supported.” ACOG maintains a physician directory, and the American College of Nurse-Midwives also provides a tool to help women find midwifery practices in their area. If you think you’re dealing with addiction, ACOG recommends also finding help through the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, which has a 24-hour treatment referral line.

3. Plan.

Whether or not you’re pregnant, planning is key when it comes to breaking bad habits, Lobel says. For example, make a shopping list before going to the grocery store, schedule exercise and talk to the friend who always smokes with you before meeting up with her about your commitment. “Think about what the triggers are and think about what the context is going to be, and really plan ahead and deal with it,” Lobel says.

4. Seek support.

In addition to support from your health care team, social and family support is critical for successful habit-breaking, experts say. Ask your partner to quit drinking with you, or to at least keep whatever is tempting out of the house. “This can help provide much-needed emotional support for quitting, especially when cravings are high,” Bradizza says. Meantime, avoid people who undermine your efforts either by encouraging your bad habit or by guilt-tripping you when you slip up. “For pregnant women who are struggling to quit smoking,” Bradizza says, “the shame and guilt they experience because they are smoking can undermine their own efforts to quit.”

[See: How to Break 7 Unhealthy Habits.]

5. Don’t beat yourself up.

Old habits die hard, pregnant or not, so cut yourself some slack if you don’t transform into a health goddess overnight. Beating yourself up can do more harm than good. Instead, treat yourself with compassion. “When people lapse,” Lobel says, “it’s important to know that they should forgive themselves, then recommit to taking care of themselves.”

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How to Break Unhealthy Habits During Pregnancy originally appeared on usnews.com