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How Successful Blended Families Create Happy Holidays

By U.S. News & World Report

Single parents who come together and create a blended family typically do so with their eyes wide open. Each parent has experienced emotional loss, profound regret and shattered expectations. Financial and logistical challenges demand flexibility and sacrifice. Difficult and frank discussions about finances, shared living spaces and respective co-parenting schedules take place nearly every day.

But frequently left out of the conversation are the parents’ differing perspectives on holiday and birthday celebrations, as other seemingly more pressing issues take priority. That’s a problem because these differences in family customs also require discussion and planning. Without such conversations, unspoken resentments and misunderstandings percolate, leading to hurt feelings and unnecessary conflict.

It’s best not to wait until a birthday or holiday is just around the corner to talk about what you’ll do as a family on these occasions. Here’s how to begin these important conversations:

Embrace change. This is a new beginning for both families. Trying to recreate the birthday or holiday traditions previously enjoyed as part of a couple or as a single parent only leads to disappointment and hard feelings. Look ahead to change with confidence and optimism. These attitudes will influence your kids and help lay the foundation for harmony in your new blended family.

[Read: 5 Ways to Promote Harmony in Blended Families.]

Be prepared for special occasions to evoke powerful memories. Some memories bring laughter and joy. Other memories stir feelings of sadness, abandonment and fear. Often when people say things like, “I’m not into the holidays” or “birthdays aren’t that big a deal,” it really means that birthday and holiday memories bring heartache. A new partner’s family may have lacked sufficient reserves of time, energy or money to enjoy birthdays and holidays.

Understand past experiences. Discuss openly past birthdays and holidays. As you forge your blended family, a respectful, sympathetic and mutual understanding of past experiences is essential. These normally special occasions are sometimes marred by traumatic events, such as eviction or other legal notices, deaths or sudden family illness, exposure of infidelities, financial crises or simply the undeniable realization that love and commitment freely given was not reciprocated.

For others, birthdays and holidays bring mostly happy memories. Certain rituals or foods highlight their celebrations. Incorporating each other’s pleasurable birthday and holiday activities makes sense. Experimenting with family recipes offers kids the chance to try new foods and hear family stories. Learning about cultures and traditions different than their own is a valuable experience. Modeling flexibility and tolerance within your family provides kids with worthy life lessons.

[Read: How to Raise Resilient Kids.]

Agree to keep it real. Comparing social media images of “typical” birthdays or holidays sets your newly blended family up for confusion and disappointment. All kids cherish memories of celebrations focused on their needs and interests. Ironically, it’s the budget-busting stuff that kids most quickly forget. Kids thrive on routine, clear expectations and simple pleasures. Stressed out adults who become exhausted and exasperated preparing for special occasions may do unintended damage, especially if kids are still working through their own unhappy birthday or holiday memories.

Keep the kids in the conversation. Ask your kids in an age-appropriate way how they’d like to celebrate holidays. Find out what they enjoyed and what they felt was not so great. Typically, kids cite one-on-one experiences with their parents as most enjoyable. Kids almost always have definite ideas about the best ways to celebrate their birthdays. View these conversations as opportunities to show your kids how compromise is often an opportunity rather than an obstacle.

Establish new traditions. Traditions bring families together. No rules here. Maybe you set aside time weekly to celebrate family members’ little victories, such as teacher praise for an assignment or a parent finally figuring out how to use Roku. The kids will likely have some unexpected ideas. Try something new or just act silly together. It doesn’t matter what you choose to do. Traditions can change and evolve. It’s only important that everyone participates. Shared experiences build family unity.

[See: 12 Questions You Should Ask Your Kids at Dinner.]

Remain flexible. Things happen that require readjusting holiday plans. If there’s the ” other parent” to consider, it’s best for everyone to communicate openly and honestly about how family plans must take into account unexpected changes in the co-parenting schedule. Taking the high road — even when it’s really tough — is always the right choice. If this seems especially daunting, focus on what you’d like your kids to tell their kids about their birthday and holiday celebrations. This will help you focus on things that are genuinely important rather than things that won’t matter in the long run.

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How Successful Blended Families Create Happy Holidays originally appeared on usnews.com

Don’t Settle for Student Loans to Pay for Online Education

By WTOP Staff
Online college programs are becoming a more popular choice for prospective students, with one study finding that more than 6 million students enrolled in at least one online course in fall 2015. The popularity of these courses can be attributed in part to their flexibility with working adults' schedules, students' ability to progress more quickly through online programs and, oftentimes, cheaper tuition. [See 10 low-cost online bachelor's programs for out-of-state students.]Online degrees can be beneficial to many college students, but some studies have shown online learners complete their programs at lower rates than students at traditional brick-and-mortar campuses. Individuals with student loans but no degree comprise two-thirds of defaulted borrowers. Though these numbers are not encouraging, just like for traditional programs, there are ways to reduce how much you'll need to borrow for an online program to ensure you won't become one of these statistics. Don't just settle on borrowing student loans to cover the whole cost of your program and living expenses. Instead, start thinking about how to cut costs and cover your balance in different ways, such as the following. -- Grants and scholarships: Even though you are taking an online course, you can still apply and receive grants and scholarships. But your first step should be to complete the Free Application for Federal Student Aid, commonly referred to as the FAFSA, which will allow you to receive a Pell Grant if your expected family contribution is low enough. The EFC criteria and award amounts are adjusted annually, but the 2017-2018 academic year awards range from $606 to $5,920, which could significantly lower the amount you borrow annually. Your next step is to apply for scholarships. You can start by checking online scholarship search engines, such as the Salt Scholarship Search, College Board's BigFuture and Peterson's. But don't forget to take advantage of local organizations and your school's financial aid office. Both may offer scholarships that you can't find with a national scholarship search. [Review these 10 sites to kick off your scholarship search.]For instance, organizations like the Elks Club, Knights of Columbus or the Rotary Club typically offer scholarships annually to local students. Just because you're going to school online doesn't mean you're ineligible. Visit your local library for scholarship listings, and ask around town. You might be surprised how many local organizations offer scholarships. While these scholarships typically aren't large, every little bit counts. Each dollar you receive in a scholarship is a dollar you don't have to borrow and pay interest on. -- Work-study: Another option for online students may be work-study awards. Not all students enrolled in online programs are eligible, but students at some schools -- including, for example, SUNY Empire State College and Liberty University -- are. Work-study awards are not given upfront like scholarships and grants. In most cases, they are an offer to earn up to the awarded amount if you secure an eligible work-study job. While there is a misconception that all work-study jobs must be on campus, students can work for off-campus, nonprofit or public employers as long as the work is in the public's interest. You may be able to work for a for-profit employer if the job is relevant to your course of study. No matter who the outside employer is, it will need to have an established agreement with your college for you to receive work-study funds. Remember, to be eligible for federal financial aid, you must be enrolled and pursuing a degree or certificate. If you're not working toward a credential, Pell Grants and work-study won't be option, but you may still be able to take advantage of private scholarships -- just be sure to read the eligibility criteria carefully. [Explore what to know about financial aid in online programs.]-- Pay as you go: One of the great benefits to enrolling online is the flexible schedule, which can allow you to complete your college coursework around your responsibilities. But prospective students often overlook using their part- or full-time job earnings as an option for paying for college. Almost 80 percent of college students in 2015 worked at least part time while attending classes, according to the National Center for Education Statistics. By budgeting and thinking strategically about your college costs, you can likely reduce your dependence on student loans by paying a portion out of pocket. Many -- but not all -- online programs are less expensive than traditional programs and often have shorter payment periods. Six, eight or 10 weeks are common course durations. Because of the frequency of payments in an online setting, you may be well-placed to pay as you go and possibly avoid borrowing altogether. Attending college online and avoiding student loans may be challenging, but if you are willing to put in the effort, you can limit the amount you need to borrow. More from U.S. News Q&A: Understanding Student Loan Discharge Eligibility Student Loan Refinancing Isn't Right for All Borrowers
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