Skip to main content

What to Do When Your Daughter Gets Rejected by a Friend

By U.S. News & World Report

The middle school and high school years are a trying time for girls. If you have a daughter, you can almost count on her being rejected or excluded by friends at some point due to the changing nature of relationships during these years.

Your daughter will very likely need you to help her through these difficult circumstances. The pain that tween and teen girls feel when rejected by friends is not unlike the pain an adult feels when going through a divorce. It cuts deep, and it’s very real.

Your first question as a parent is most likely, how can friends be so unkind to each other? Let me tell you that there are a lot of answers to this question. Perhaps the former friend wants to join a more popular group and doesn’t want to take your daughter along. Kids’ popularity and their perceptions of how popular their peers are change all the time. Maybe your daughter and the former friend both liked the same boy. Perhaps a series of misunderstandings occurred. The possible reasons are endless. In any case, the pain that your daughter feels is dreadful and won’t dissipate overnight.

[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]

So what can you do for your daughter? During my many years of working with tween and teen girls, here’s what I’ve learned about how parents can help their daughters deal with being rejected by friends:

Let your daughter vent about how hurt she is without becoming emotional yourself. If you become emotional your daughter will shut down. Or your emotionality will escalate your daughter’s feelings, and this won’t help anyone. It’s healthy for your daughter to talk. Sometimes she just wants you to listen. Don’t offer advice unless she specifically asks for it.

Don’t devalue the friend who rejected your daughter. This isn’t what your daughter needs right now. She will feel invalidated if you attempt to soothe her by criticizing her former friend. She liked this friend, and by devaluing her friend, you are criticizing her judgment.

[Read: How to Help Your Teen Cope With the Death of a Friend.]

Empower your daughter. When your daughter has calmed down a bit, ask her what she will do if the friend who rejected her wants to resume the relationship. This will put your daughter back in a position of power, and believe me, she needs to feel some sense of power and control at this moment. It’s also not uncommon for a child to reject a friend and then to want to rebuild the relationship later. I’ve seen this happen on countless occasions.

Suggest that your daughter invite other friends over. More than anything else, 12- to 18-year-olds want to feel some sense of belonging and connectedness. Don’t we all? So support your daughter by encouraging her to spend time with other friends.

Provide comfort. Consider making your daughter’s favorite meal or just sit down over a cup of tea or coffee to talk. Everyone benefits from a little nurturing when down. While it may not seem like such small acts of kindness make a difference, they always do. Don’t underestimate your importance to your daughter.

[See: 12 Questions You Should Ask Your Kids at Dinner.]

Bear in mind that most pain dissipates with time, and be patient when your daughter is hurting. This too shall pass, and a new set of issues will replace old ones. It’s important for your daughter to know that she’s able to survive the slings and arrows of tricky adolescent friendships.

More from U.S. News

6 Ways to Help Kids Combat Materialism

What to Say and Do If Your Daughter Thinks She’s Fat

7 Types of Friends You Need to Break Up With

What to Do When Your Daughter Gets Rejected by a Friend originally appeared on usnews.com

Don’t Settle for Student Loans to Pay for Online Education

By WTOP Staff
Online college programs are becoming a more popular choice for prospective students, with one study finding that more than 6 million students enrolled in at least one online course in fall 2015. The popularity of these courses can be attributed in part to their flexibility with working adults' schedules, students' ability to progress more quickly through online programs and, oftentimes, cheaper tuition. [See 10 low-cost online bachelor's programs for out-of-state students.]Online degrees can be beneficial to many college students, but some studies have shown online learners complete their programs at lower rates than students at traditional brick-and-mortar campuses. Individuals with student loans but no degree comprise two-thirds of defaulted borrowers. Though these numbers are not encouraging, just like for traditional programs, there are ways to reduce how much you'll need to borrow for an online program to ensure you won't become one of these statistics. Don't just settle on borrowing student loans to cover the whole cost of your program and living expenses. Instead, start thinking about how to cut costs and cover your balance in different ways, such as the following. -- Grants and scholarships: Even though you are taking an online course, you can still apply and receive grants and scholarships. But your first step should be to complete the Free Application for Federal Student Aid, commonly referred to as the FAFSA, which will allow you to receive a Pell Grant if your expected family contribution is low enough. The EFC criteria and award amounts are adjusted annually, but the 2017-2018 academic year awards range from $606 to $5,920, which could significantly lower the amount you borrow annually. Your next step is to apply for scholarships. You can start by checking online scholarship search engines, such as the Salt Scholarship Search, College Board's BigFuture and Peterson's. But don't forget to take advantage of local organizations and your school's financial aid office. Both may offer scholarships that you can't find with a national scholarship search. [Review these 10 sites to kick off your scholarship search.]For instance, organizations like the Elks Club, Knights of Columbus or the Rotary Club typically offer scholarships annually to local students. Just because you're going to school online doesn't mean you're ineligible. Visit your local library for scholarship listings, and ask around town. You might be surprised how many local organizations offer scholarships. While these scholarships typically aren't large, every little bit counts. Each dollar you receive in a scholarship is a dollar you don't have to borrow and pay interest on. -- Work-study: Another option for online students may be work-study awards. Not all students enrolled in online programs are eligible, but students at some schools -- including, for example, SUNY Empire State College and Liberty University -- are. Work-study awards are not given upfront like scholarships and grants. In most cases, they are an offer to earn up to the awarded amount if you secure an eligible work-study job. While there is a misconception that all work-study jobs must be on campus, students can work for off-campus, nonprofit or public employers as long as the work is in the public's interest. You may be able to work for a for-profit employer if the job is relevant to your course of study. No matter who the outside employer is, it will need to have an established agreement with your college for you to receive work-study funds. Remember, to be eligible for federal financial aid, you must be enrolled and pursuing a degree or certificate. If you're not working toward a credential, Pell Grants and work-study won't be option, but you may still be able to take advantage of private scholarships -- just be sure to read the eligibility criteria carefully. [Explore what to know about financial aid in online programs.]-- Pay as you go: One of the great benefits to enrolling online is the flexible schedule, which can allow you to complete your college coursework around your responsibilities. But prospective students often overlook using their part- or full-time job earnings as an option for paying for college. Almost 80 percent of college students in 2015 worked at least part time while attending classes, according to the National Center for Education Statistics. By budgeting and thinking strategically about your college costs, you can likely reduce your dependence on student loans by paying a portion out of pocket. Many -- but not all -- online programs are less expensive than traditional programs and often have shorter payment periods. Six, eight or 10 weeks are common course durations. Because of the frequency of payments in an online setting, you may be well-placed to pay as you go and possibly avoid borrowing altogether. Attending college online and avoiding student loans may be challenging, but if you are willing to put in the effort, you can limit the amount you need to borrow. More from U.S. News Q&A: Understanding Student Loan Discharge Eligibility Student Loan Refinancing Isn't Right for All Borrowers
Read Next Story

Related News

Frustration grows in Venezuela as earthquake death toll reaches 1,430

Israel and Lebanon sign framework agreement with US in ‘first step’ toward peace, Rubio says

Trump-endorsed populist poised to become Colombia’s next president as rival challenges vote