If you’re a woman with a family, and you’re not the main breadwinner but do work or would like to, there are a lot of pressures you may be facing. These are old school societal beliefs of yore that sadly still exist today. Have you said or heard another woman say the following lines?
“I have to ask my husband if I can sign up for that course.”
“I need to check with my family to see if I can go attend that networking event since I always put the kids to bed.”
“What I make only covers child care, so it doesn’t make sense for me to work.”
Does this sound like 2017? No. We have come out of the 1950s, yet women repeat these sentiments daily. Many of us run households and hold a job. Why must we ask permission to invest in ourselves?
Stop catering to what others want or you think they want of you, and demand what you want for yourself.
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Child care costs. This is the most common reason given for not working, even when someone desperately wants to. Ask yourself this: If you’re not mentally satisfied and happy staying at home, how does that affect your relationship with your spouse? How about your relationship with your children?
While child care costs in the U.S. are extremely high, there are many options. Day cares, nanny shares and other family members are available for after school care and even driving kids around to sports and music practice. If you aren’t working because your salary would all go to child care costs, so what? Is money the only reason you want to work? If you feel passionate about working, use this as an opportunity to improve your happiness and well-being.
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Professional development. If you’re at home taking care of kids and not working, part of that money coming in from your partner is yours. Just because there is no salary from your work doesn’t mean there is no value attached to it. If it helps, create a spreadsheet for yourself and see how much you’d be making in monetary terms if you were working in someone else’s home as a housekeeper or nanny doing the same work. Figure $10 to $20 per hour, depending on where you live.
Now, if you’ve wanted to update your resume or sign up for a class to learn something new, why do you have to ask your partner if you can spend that money? Do they ask you for permission every time they want to buy something or invest in themselves? If so, great, but if not, this is a conversation you need to have so you don’t constantly need permission for these kinds of purchases.
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Build your own business. If you’ve dreamed of freelancing or starting your own business but think you haven’t earned enough money to invest in it, think again. Many at-home businesses require very little investment. In addition, you can apply for small business loans for women-owned companies, and there are many small business awards out there. This is something you’d obviously need to talk to your spouse about as well, but maintain your confidence as you do.
Doing your own thing is an investment in your career, your mind and possibly the future of your family. Bring to the table the positive aspects of starting something, and do not discount your well-being in this. Just as with child care costs, the important thing here is to express that exercising your passions will allow you to be a better mother and wife. The monetary value — as long as it’s not depleting all of your long-term savings — is not as significant. The question of where you will run the business can also get in the way. Research what you will need in order to succeed in starting your own business before you have the conversation (e.g., a computer, phone, printer, office space in the home). If you’re serious about it, you shouldn’t have to fight your spouse for the office or to use his computer; you absolutely need the essentials to operate. Make a plan for how to get your business off and running in the next year.
Women still have a long road ahead to end these self-limiting beliefs and allow themselves permission to invest in themselves professionally. But we have to start somewhere in order to change mindsets and achieve what’s best for us in the long run. Once you’ve figured out what’s right for you, prepare and launch into those conversations — you may be able to change the minds of your spouse and friends to empower yourself and other women to take a stand for themselves.
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Women: Stop Asking for Permission to Invest in Yourself Professionally originally appeared on usnews.com
