Valentine’s Day is approaching, and romance is in the air. But if it’s in the air at work, you might be wondering how to keep things professional while dating a co-worker.
We’ll get to that. But first, it’s worth noting that there are lots of good reasons not to date co-workers.
— You won’t be able to get away from work. When you and your significant other share the same professional world, it’s hard to avoid talking about work and colleagues, even when you’re trying to have a romantic dinner.
— You might become un-promotable. You won’t be able to accept any promotion that would have you managing your significant other since well-run companies won’t let you manage someone you’re romantically involved with.
— A breakup will be even worse than usual. If the relationship ends, you’ll still be seeing the other person every day, which isn’t good if you’re trying to put the person out of your mind.
Of course, if you’re already caught up in a workplace romance, that advice won’t do you any good now. Instead, your challenge is how to handle the relationship at work, so that you don’t jeopardize your professional reputation or make the rest of your co-workers uncomfortable.
The biggest key here is to be aware of why people get uncomfortable around office romances, so that you avoid those things. Specifically, co-workers and especially managers tend to worry about these issues.
— Will you and your significant other be able work on projects together professionally?
— Will you be inappropriately romantic or touchy-feely in front of other people?
— Will your personal loyalties cause bias in your work, particularly if one of you has control over something, such as budgeting or schedules?
— Will you each end up fighting the other’s battles? For example, if one of you is fired or treated in a way that you feel is unfair, will it affect the morale and working relationships of the other person?
— Will the relationship cause drama or tension in the office if you have a fight or break up?
Some of those concerns aren’t ones you can easily address. After all, no one can predict how a breakup might go. But you can assuage many of the other concerns by being scrupulously professional in your dealings with each other and with other people, and making a particular point of not trying to influence projects or feedback in your significant other’s favor.
You should also follow these five cardinal rules of office romance.
1. No public displays of affection. None. No hugging, no hand-holding, no caressing. These might seem like minor actions to you, but they will jump out as inappropriate to your co-workers and make everyone feel queasy. Spare them that.
2. Don’t close the door if you’re in the office alone together. You don’t need people speculating on whether you’re really talking about the Jones account or whether something more personal is going on. Keep the door open, and keep a reasonable distance from each other.
3. Don’t sit together at meetings. People are already seeing you as a unit, so do your professional reputation the favor of reinforcing that you’re still functioning independently at work. If you sit together, people will chalk it up to “couple behavior.” If you sit apart, people are likely to appreciate the nod to professional boundaries.
4. Don’t let people pass messages through you to your partner. If someone asks you where your significant other is today or why she wasn’t at that meeting, direct the inquiry back to your partner. Just pleasantly say, “I don’t know where he is.” Or say, “You should check with her directly.” At work, you’re not each other’s partners. You’re colleagues like everyone else.
5. Keep issues that arise between the two of you out of the office. If you’re having a fight, or there’s tension in the relationship, it’s crucial that you both leave it at the office door when you come to work. That means that you need to speak pleasantly to each other in meetings and continue to work together collaboratively if your jobs require it. It’s not fair to co-workers to make them accommodate relationship troubles.
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If You Must Have an Office Romance, Keep it Professional originally appeared on usnews.com
