The day the cast list for the high school play is posted can be marked by feelings of elation for some students — and heartache for others.

“You see the tears from time to time, you know, you hear the grumbling, that’s a given,” says Carolyn Greer, a theater teacher at Owensboro High School in Kentucky.

Not getting a role in the school play is just one example of the many instances of rejection teens may experience in high school. There’s rejection in extracurricular activities, in friend groups, romance, college admissions and class time.

But figuring out how to help teens cope with rejection can be tricky for parents and teachers.

“Adolescents now are becoming individuals — they don’t necessarily want their parents’ and teachers’ help so they have more opportunities to experience failure and then they want to try and manage that on their own,” says Selina Oliver, a school psychologist at Chesapeake High School in Pasadena, Maryland.

[Read about how as teens gain independence, parents try to stay connected.]

These feelings can be similar to those they have after a death or after realizing a life dream is unattainable in some ways, she says, which can result in teens feeling powerless or as if they’ve lost control.

“When kids feel powerless, they feel worthless and when they feel worthless, they often feel hopeless,” she says.

Most people move past rejection pretty well, she says, but for others it can feel so overwhelming that it can sometimes lead to destructive behavior.

The main strategy parents can use to help their teen manage rejection is to reinforce the idea that hope still exists, Oliver says. It’s also important that parents keep their own emotions in check and listen to their child.

“Kids don’t necessarily want us to solve their problems for them — remember they are trying to be individuals,” she says. “But they still want us to recognize that this has happened to them, that they are feeling rejected, that their dreams aren’t coming true in the way that they thought. But listening, listening is really the best way to do that.”

Teens tend to be self-centered in their thinking too, she says, so they may magnify the significance or permanence of a rejection. Some may think it will directly affect the rest of their life, while others may believe the whole school is talking about their failure, for example.

Modeling good behavior and keeping communication lines open can help students move forward when a situation occurs as well, she says.

[Get tips for parents to help teens de-stress.]

When a teacher or coach has to deal with or offer rejection they should be genuine, honest and fair in their response to the student, and it’s better to do it in private, says Oliver.

“You have to be completely honest and open as a theater teacher, or as any teacher, honestly, to a student about why they are or are not being cast,” says Greer, the theater teacher. “But you also have to encourage them that just because you aren’t cast one time doesn’t mean there aren’t many, many other opportunities.”

Most of her students deal with rejection well, she says.

“For the kid who always seems to be very successful and always seems to win and always has the best this or that, learning how to deal with not getting the role is very important and it’s also very humbling,” she says.

It may even lead to a student discovering his or her true passion.

“I didn’t get cast for a show when I was in high school and it lead me to directing and education and to me that was truly the greatest rejection of my life,” she says.

One thing parents can do in the immediate aftermath of a rejection is simple.

“Give your kid a hug,” says Oliver.

Have something of interest to share? Send your news to us at highschoolnotes@usnews.com.

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Help High Schoolers Move Past Rejection With Optimism originally appeared on usnews.com