WASHINGTON — There’s no real manual for motherhood. Daily demands put major stress on moms, often leaving them just trying to make it until bedtime without collapsing.
Play dates, carpools, soccer practices, dog walks and homework place heavy burdens on moms who try daily to get the kids to eat well and get enough sleep.
That’s why it’s so important for moms to get frequent breaks — weekly and even daily.
“When moms take better care of their lives, they take better care of all the other relationships in their lives,” says Mia Redrick, author of “Time for Mom-Me: Five Essential Strategies for a Mothers’ Self Care.”
That’s why Redrick, who calls herself a strategy coach for moms, conducts workshops and seminars urging mothers to practice self-care.
“It’s getting moms to be intentional about taking care of themselves and understanding that self-care does not happen at 9 o’clock at night,” says Redrick.
Working moms are especially vulnerable to stress as they struggle with handling family issues while on the job. Pew Research says working moms always feel rushed and are torn between home and work.
Redrick, a former corporate trainer, says her own mother got lost in motherhood and didn’t want the same for her daughter. She says her mother made her promise to take time off for herself while she was a young mom, even if that meant grabbing a cup of coffee or sitting in a bookstore.
She hears all the guilty excuses from moms slipping away for a quick run around the neighborhood or to get a hair cut — oh the horror of leaving our children!
“Moms are really great at taking care of everyone else, but they never think of how to create systems to take care of themselves,” says Redrick.
For moms to start getting some time for themselves, Redrick advises planning out the day and pack a bag. If you are going to carpool, pack a book on tape. If you’re going to the doctor’s office, pack your journal. Bring that jump rope if you’re going to the park with the kids.
Children will learn from example, Redrick teaches. We’d never tell our children to put their passion on hold for 18 years, yet many moms do it all the time.
The time you take for yourself will make you stronger, she says. If you do things that affirm who you are, it allows you to enjoy life and feel good about it.
So how important is mom’s me-time in your house? Let us know in the comments section of this story, on Twitter or on the WTOP Facebook page. Until then, a local parent shares her take on making time for herself.
My time
Stephanie Oppenheimer
So a mom friend posted on Facebook yesterday that she just got a speeding ticket but she didn’t even care, because she was in the car all by herself. It was one of the few precious, kid-free afternoons she’s had since her second was born late last year.
“It’s gonna take more than a ticket to knock the smile off my face today,” she wrote.
A whole army of women “liked” her status, our silent way of saying, “Amen, sister.”
I know this feeling. I look forward to a routine MRI at Fairfax Radiology like others look forward to a day at the spa. After all, it’s really kind of the same. A chance to stretch out on my belly, under a blanket, in dim lighting, in the middle of the day. No one can call me, pull at me or ask me any questions. It’ll just be me and a kind therapist, for 45 minutes. Mom nirvana.
Same goes when a longer-than-usually-acceptable-wait at the dentist’s office means more time with a trashy magazine on a comfy couch. Or when a delayed flight to visit my brother’s family (without my own family) means more time to grab a Starbucks. More time to people watch at the airport. More time to read my book!
I worry sometimes, that in this day of Facebook and blogging and “everything that happens on the Internet stays on the Internet,” my kids will someday read that I didn’t cherish every second with them.
I already know they’ve long since forgotten the endless hours I spent on the floor with them, making up tall tales about Thomas and James and all the other very useful tank engines that ran around our living room-turned-Sodor Island.
They barely remember that I co-opped at their preschool so I could be with them instead of dropping them off and peeling out of the parking lot. That I could count on one hand the number of field trips I’ve missed. Will they read 10, 15, 20 years from now that their mom sometimes just really needed to be alone? Will they be offended?
I hope not. I hope they understand.
Looking back on my own life, I remember my mom as always being present, on time and there. Yes, she’s the first to admit she enjoyed us all far more as teens and young adults than as babies. And she always said her dream was to have an electrified phone booth in the house, so she could talk to her girlfriends in peace.
But I don’t remember ever feeling offended, and I know she loves my brothers and me with a fierceness that would make a tiger mom look weak. We know we’re her favorite people.
So I go on blind faith and trust that this pathetic habit of finding peace in chaotic places, like a speeding ticket while piloting an empty minivan, is really pretty OK. It’s just an unavoidable byproduct of motherhood. It’s OK. It’s survival.
We love you, kids, more than words can say. We just need a little space sometimes.
Editor’s note: Stephanie Oppenheimer is a freelance writer and a mother of two boys. She and her family live in Falls Church, Virginia. You can read more of her thoughts on motherhood at skylitecomm.com/musing.
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